Just Don't Get Caught
by Dancing Through Life
Summary: Phineas is on the warpath. There has been some serious PDA and he is intending to punish the guilty. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the name Eudora, who I have given to – well, read on and see.

A/N This is for taking so long with Crookshanks's Bane Chapter six. Surprise! A new chapter and new one-shot in one day! And yes, this one is staying a one shot.

Phineas had had it this time. Honestly. Yet another person had told him they were snogging. That made fifteen. Enough was enough.

It had been bad enough when they were all still alive, but no – centuries after their deaths they were still at it.

It was bad enough that his own great-great-grandson had snuck out every week to snog a different girl. That was truly an embarrassment. But he was an embarrassment in every way. Him and his three companions.

Well, two companions. They just all felt sorry for the other one, and he followed them everywhere.

He wasn't even a Slytherin, like he was supposed to be. What was the sorting hat thinking? Gryffindor. As if! If he had still been alive when that decision had been made, the sorting hat wouldn't even a hat anymore. No. It would be a set of leather streamers. Ravenclaw would have been okay. And even Hufflepuff. At least they were loyal.

But Gryffindor?

Phineas was pulled from his train of thought when he ran into a fat old duke who resided on the fourth floor.

"Begging pardon, Sir." Phineas said hastily.

"On the contrary," The duke grinned. "It is I who should be sorry. They have been caught at it again. I should not have gotten in your way."

"Yes, well, thank you." Phineas mumbled.

"Ah love," The duke sighed, clearly enjoying Phineas's torture. "If only we could all fall in love."

"But PDA, your grace?" Phineas snapped. "Really, we shouldn't lose our heads. And besides! I've got the position of Head Portrait Subject to protect. If Dumbledore should find out!"

The duke shrugged.

"If it's that important, get going. You're wasting time here."

So Phineas began on his quest again. He really hated how there was only one portrait that was connected to Eudora's – then he wouldn't have to tromp over the school like this. Why couldn't they all be connected? Huh? Who was going to answer that?

Finally, he was one portrait away.

"Eudora!" He screamed, entering her portrait. She had a blanket wrapped around her legs. She turned and smiled at him gently.

"Yes, Phineas?" She asked sweetly, smoothing her pink dress.

"I have been informed that your – lover - was in here again." Phineas asked suspiciously.

"No, when we promised we wouldn't snog again in public, we meant it. Besides, Phineas, it's past Midnight – if we were snogging, the only people who would see us would be any other portrait coming to pay me a late night call, students out of bed, or Professor McGonagall if there were an emergency." Eudora stated.

But Phineas knew her too well.

"Are you sure, Eudora? Because you came up with some pretty good stories when you were a student here." Phineas noticed the strange way the blanket was draped around The Fat Lady's legs.

"What's under the blanket, Eudora?" Before she could answer, Phineas ripped the blanket away to find –

A bulldog.

"You have a dog?" Phineas asked, startled. "When did you get a bulldog?"

"Oh, he's not mine, Phineas, I'm puppy sitting for someone who lives in a portrait near my London one. I myself don't care very much for dogs."

"Well then, if you're sure your handsome hero was not here tonight – "

"He wasn't"

"I'll just go back to bed then. Good night, Eudora."

"Good night, Phineas."

Phineas left, and The Fat Lady turned to the bulldog. All of a sudden, the bulldog was gone, and in it's place sat Sir Cadogen.

"You know we can't use that excuse again, now." She said to him. "It'll only work once."

"I know." Sir Cadogen said, climbing back into the chair with her. But hey, maybe if I work hard enough, maybe I can learn to become a double Animagus, and turn into a mouse or something and hide under the chair next time."

"Honey, it took a lifetime for the bulldog. You can't even mount your pony the right way. Forget it. We'll figure something out."

"Hey! Have a little confidence, woman! Some things just take time." He kissed her gently. "Besides, we've got the rest of eternity."

"True that." The Fat Lady said, smiling. "Just promise me one thing"

"Anything."

"We don't get caught next time."


End file.
